Harry Potter and the Defenders of Avalon
by steves
Summary: The war is over and there are hurts to heal and a world to rebuild. How Harry and his friends set about the task over that first summer after the war
1. Chapter 1

_Dear Ginny,_

_By the time you read this, I will be dead. I am so sorry that I can't tell you this myself. I don't know if I can even write it. First, why? Well, when Voldemort tried to kill me when I was a baby and his spell rebounded, it knocked a bit of his soul loose, and it lodged itself in me. It made me a Horcrux. Get Hermione to explain. Ron, Hermione and I have been spending all year trying to find others Voldemort made and have destroyed all but three. One is the last bit in Voldemort, the second is in his snake, and I have just found out that the last bit is in me. The only way to destroy a Horcrux is to put it beyond magical repair, so that means Voldemort can't be destroyed while I live. I'm terrified. I know I have got to do this; there can be no going back, or everything else has been for nothing. And I am so sad about what I am never going to do. Like have a life without fear, get a job, have kids, anything._

_I need to tell you that I am really sorry we broke up last summer. I didn't want to really, but I couldn't think past the danger you would be in if anyone found out we were together. I care too much about you, and you are too precious to me to risk. Those weeks we were going out were the best of my life. They kept me going all year, and gave me a reason to go on. A reason to keep fighting. I know it hurt you dreadfully though, and I am deeply sorry about that. I wouldn't want to hurt you on purpose, ever, and knowing how much hurt I put you through was like being stabbed with knives. It tore me apart, seeing you being so brave and smiling at the wedding, even though I knew you were screaming inside. I was screaming too. It was all I could do not to try to get back with you then, but I was so afraid of what might happen to you. Everyone else I ever cared about, or who cared about me, has been killed, one after the other. It's like I carry a touch of death. _

_While we have been away I have thought of you so very often, pleading in the night to be allowed to see you again, to talk to you or touch your hair. On guard, I spent a lot of time just watching your dot on the Marauder's Map, wondering what you were doing and hoping you were safe. I nearly lost it completely when your dot didn't appear after Easter. I was afraid you had been hurt, or died._

_I haven't got a lot of time left now. I wanted so much to be able to tell you this myself, to ask you to forgive me and to give us another chance, but I will never be able to do that. I wanted to go places with you, share time with you, have fun and laughs and to kiss you, but all that has been taken away now. I will never be able to tell you how I really feel about you. Everything I ever wanted for us and for you has been stamped out. I don't even know if you hate me, if you would forgive me or even want me back. All I have left, all I can do for you now is die for you. Even if one life is saved it will be worth it and it puts Voldemort one step nearer to mortality. I just wish there was some way, ANY way out, but there isn't. There is no hope left. In a minute, I am going to give this letter to Kreacher to put under your pillow, walk out into the forest and let him kill me. I'm not even going to try to stop him. I hope it will be quick, that I will not whimper or cry, but I am terribly afraid and you are the only person I can tell. All I want to do is to run, or for someone to tell me it's all right, but I know that it's not like that. I have to do it. _

_Please try not to be too angry with me. And don't waste too much time after I am gone thinking about me. Look for someone who will care for you and you can care for too. I would be happier knowing that you had someone to care for you if I can't do it, even though the thought tears me in half._

_Last thing – I am so sorry about Fred. He didn't deserve to die. Nobody did. I just wish I had been clever enough to work all this out sooner. Then it might have been different. If I find him where I am going, I will give him your love._

_Right – this is it. I can't put it off any longer. I am going to seal this with a last kiss. Tell everyone goodbye for me. Remember that wherever I am I will always be yours._

_Harry_

_PS With this letter is the key to my vault at Gringotts. Half of everything in it is for you. Half the rest is for your family, and what is left is to go to Ron and Hermione. Grimmauld place is for you and your family. Please look after Kreacher too._

Ginny finished reading and finally broke down. He had done that for her, deliberately, terrified, knowing that he had nothing left. No hope. No help. No comfort. No support. No one to hug him and tell him it would be okay. Nothing but his own strength. Not even a reason left to live for, only a reason to die. She was still sitting on the side of her bed sobbing when Hermione came in wearing her dressing gown and ready to get into bed.

"What is it, Ginny? Are you still thinking about Fred?" Hermione asked quietly.

Wordlessly, Ginny handed Hermione the letter without even looking up. Her words were muffled by her hands over her face.

"He did that for us. I never knew. No one was there for him, and he was afraid I hated him. I know I was furious with him to begin with, even though I understood why, but I hate it when everybody tries to protect me. After that, all I did was miss him. There was a hole in me because part of me went with him, and he never knew. I never could tell him. No wonder he didn't talk to me in the Great Hall."

Hermione quickly scanned through the letter, noting that the ink had run and dried in several places while it was being written. Now it was wet with Ginny's tears as well.

"Let's go up to him now," she said. "You need to sort this out with him."

"He must hate me. He won't…"

"He loves you. He has never had anyone to feel love for before, so he probably doesn't know that's what he has been feeling, but he does. He never knew, but I saw him night after night, crying over that map, holding it to his chest. I saw what missing you was doing to him."

Ginny got off the bed slowly, and put on her robe. Still sniffling, she let Hermione guide her out of the room, down to the landing and onto the boys' stairs. They went up and found Kreacher outside Harry's dormitory, hands on hips and a fierce expression on his face.

"You must not disturb Master Harry. He is needing his sleep. Master Harry is not even eating one sandwich before falling asleep. Kreacher will not let anyone harm Master Harry."

Hermione knelt down so that she was almost eye to eye with Kreacher. "Please, Kreacher, let us go in," she said. "Ginny missed Harry so badly while he was away. I promise we won't wake him. Ginny just wants to be there for him when he wakes up."

"You is Mistress Ginnywheezy that Master Harry sent the letter for?" Kreacher asked, looking surprised. He suddenly bowed deeply to Ginny. "Kreacher is honoured to meet Mistress Ginnywheezy. Master spoke of Mistress Ginnywheezy with great affection, and said how important she was."

Ginny also knelt down. "So please, may we go in?"

Kreacher snapped his fingers, and the door opened, slowly and silently. They went in and it closed gently behind them.

Quietly, Ginny looked at Harry. He was face down on his bed, hands hanging off the sides, each holding a wand. There was a third wand in his back jeans pocket. What she could see of his face was bruised and cut. The back of his shirt was ripped to shreds and bloody. There was even blood on the pillow. She had never seen anything so wonderful, or terrible.

In the next bed, Ron sat up suddenly and growled, "What are you doing here, Ginny? Don't wake him. He went out like a light as soon as he saw the bed."

"I'm not going to. I'm not leaving either, so don't get protective. I'm not leaving him."

"But you broke up. You know you could get hurt again, and I'm not having that."

"Don't try to tell me what to do or not do, Ron, unless you want me to hex you into the next century." Ginny's voice was rising and Harry stirred slightly in his sleep.

"Shh," hissed Hermione. "Ron, don't be such a git. You know how Harry feels about Ginny. Suppose Ginny feels the same? Give them the chance we have."

Ron's expression softened slightly. "Okay, but if he hurts her again I'll have to hex him, best mate or not. I don't know what Mum will think if she finds her here though."

"We'll worry about that later. Now move over and make room."

Ron's eyes widened and he spluttered, "But what… where…"

"Oh, for goodness' sake, Ron," sighed Hermione, rolling her eyes. "There's plenty of room in the bed for both of us to _sleep_."

"Oh. I just… okay then."

Hermione pulled the curtains closed around her and Ron. Ginny saw a wide armchair across the room from Harry's bed. She sat down, pulled her knees up to her chin and wrapped her arms round her shins. She could wait.


	2. Chapter 2

Recovery

The room was almost completely still. All that seemed to move were motes of dust, dancing in the sunlight that was creeping in through the cracked glass of the Gryffindor boys' dormitory. All that could be heard was distant birdsong and a low murmur of voices from a curtained bed further down the room. The girl's eyes opened suddenly, and she frowned momentarily, as though angry with herself for sleeping. She stretched her arms and legs out, then pulled her legs back up under her chin and resumed watching the boy on the bed. She hated waiting for anything, but this time she knew she must not rush things.

On the bed, the boy stirred. Not just any boy, but the most unusual boy—or rather young man—of his age. One who had fought battles, and brushed palms with Death itself, since he first discovered his heritage. One who had seen and felt far more than anyone three times his age should ever have to. Harry Potter could never be described as ordinary, however much he wished it.

Through his mind, images were racing, each replacing the other almost faster than thought: a green flash of light… Colin Creevey carried over Oliver Woods' shoulder… Remus Lupin and Tonks lying side by side on a table in the Great Hall… a green flash of light… red eyes and a snake-like face, gloatingly sneering… a wall exploding… Fred Weasley, crushed under falling masonry, still smiling… Severus Snape struck again and again by a snake… a woman's voice crying out "He is dead"… red eyes and a green flash of light… Ginny Weasley fighting Bellatrix Lestrange, and a green flash of light passing her… a green flash of light. He groaned aloud, and tried to crush the memories out of his consciousness. He failed and slowly became conscious of his body and how much he ached. He groaned again.

"Hi, Harry. How do you feel?"

A voice.

Harry hurled himself away from the sound, reflexively rolling off the bed and coming to his feet with a wand in each hand. As he stood up, he searched for the source of the voice. Eyes wide, head and wands snapping round, his left hand at advance low guard left, and right hand above his shoulder in high guard, eyes and wands seeking and focussing on the target. He recognised it and instantly relaxed, his shoulders dropping and arms and hands relaxing to his sides.

"Bloody hell, you scared me. What in the name of Merlin's favourite underwear are you doing here?" Harry took both wands and pushed them into the back pocket of his jeans to join a third already there. He straightened his glasses and ran a hand through his hair, wincing at the movement.

"I read your letter. I… er… Why didn't you… I thought… I should've… I'm sorry." She was hesitant. Shy, almost.

"Huh?"

"I thought you were DEAD. Couldn't you have TOLD me?" Ginny's voice was rising, and the murmur of voices from the other bed came to an end.

"I couldn't tell anyone. I was so afraid. I felt so used. It was like the whole world had fallen on me." Harry walked slowly round the bed, and sat down facing Ginny, wincing again. Elbows on his knees, his face dropped into his hands.

He continued, head still in his hands, "All I knew was that I had to do it. If I didn't, all the death, all the suffering, would have been for _nothing_. Nobody else could do it—only me. For everybody else to win, I had to lose. I can't tell you how it felt, but it was so lonely. I _had_ to talk to someone, but I knew that if I told someone, they would try to persuade me not to, and I _wanted_ them to do that. I was _desperate_ for a way out, even though I knew there wasn't one. But I had to tell someone, so I wrote you the letter."

"Why me?"

"Well… er… you know… I… you are the only person I could ever tell about that sort of stuff."

"So you…"

"Harry, mate, have you taken a good look at yourself lately?" Ron's head was poking round the edge of his curtains.

Another, exasperated voice came from the bed, "Ron Weasley, you have to be the most insensitive, hopeless… can't you let people talk?" Hermione's feet appeared below the curtain, as she started to stand up.

Ron put a hand onto her shoulder, and gently pulled her back. "I know all about that, Hermione, but seriously, take a look at him. You can't tell me he doesn't need to get to Madam Pomfrey."

Hermione pushed the curtain aside and looked at Harry for a long moment. "Harry, don't think I don't understand—and don't be angry—but Ron's right."

"Happens occasionally," muttered Ron softly.

Hermione rounded on him, and drew a deep breath, but Harry interrupted before she could say anything. "So when you've finished, would someone tell me what the problem might be? And has this dorm suddenly become a mixed dorm, or what?"

Ginny spoke from behind him, "Harry, you've been hurt—"

"So have a lot of other people—and a lot worse than me," Harry interrupted sharply.

Ginny's face fell slightly.

"After all, I'm the reason they're hurt in the first place," he continued. "I think they should be first in line to see Madam Pomfrey—not me. And she's going to be worked off her feet for a while, so I'm going to wait."

"NO," shouted Ginny, her cheeks reddening, as she stood up to face him, "YOU'RE THE REASON THEY'RE ALIVE AT ALL. THERE'S NO WAY YOU SHOULD THINK THAT." Her anger abated suddenly, and tears appeared in her eyes. "If you hadn't done what you did, if you hadn't faced Him down, or gone off to get killed, more people would be dead. It's just that I couldn't…" She stopped, and sat down abruptly, rubbing her eyes angrily.

Harry looked down at her. He wanted to drop down beside her to hold her and comfort her. "_I just don't have the right. I hurt her too badly. It's obvious,_" he thought. "_I shouldn't say anything._" Inside, a cold knot was tying itself in his stomach, and the monster in his chest whined in pain.

"Besides," added Hermione, "Madam Pomfrey has had a team of Healers from St. Mungo's to help her since early yesterday afternoon. You wouldn't have heard. They all Apparated into Hogsmeade as soon as they found out about the battle. All the cases that could be moved have been taken back there, and there are only a few seriously hurt people left here, plus some minor injuries. She isn't nearly so busy now."

"Look, mate," Ron put in, "if anyone sees you looking like that they'll think the world's about to end. People worry, you know. If Mum sees you, she'll have a fit."

"So what's all the fuss about anyway?" Harry asked, testily. "All I have are a few bangs and bruises. I've had worse after a Quidditch match."

"You can't see your back. Looks as though you've been flogged, and there's loads of what looks like thorns sticking out. There's cuts, lumps and bruises all over your face. Your nose is sideways, and you're moving like a sick cat. Must have been some match." Ron looked at him sideways. "You really do need to get yourself sorted. You're no oil painting just now, except maybe for a butcher."

"No one's explained why you and Ginny are here anyway." Harry tried to change the subject.

"Do you think we would all leave you after what's been going on, and do you really think Ginny wouldn't come after that letter?" Hermione looked hurt.

"What letter?" asked Ron, perplexed. "Did Harry—"

"I'll explain later," Hermione interrupted. "In the meantime, we have to get Harry to the hospital wing."

Harry dropped his head into his hands again. "I'm not going. Yesterday was horrible. Everybody wanting to slap me on the back, and be my friend, and tell me about everything. Others wanting to talk about the people that died and take me to see them. I just want to be left alone. Too many people have died, and I still can't… it's no use, I can't explain it. I'm not going." He kept his face in his hands. The enormity of the last few days was starting to dawn on him, and he held back tears of pain.

"There's one way." Ginny was looking up, a slight hint of mischief showing around her eyes. "It's still early, and there won't be many people about yet anyway… If we see anybody, all we have to do is start running and yelling 'Get out of the way' with our wands out. They'll probably think we're chasing Death Eaters or something, and won't stop us." She hesitated. "Do you think you can run, Harry?"

Harry gulped, and swallowed hard, trying to hide the emotion that had nearly surfaced. Now that Ron had told him, and now that the fright Ginny had given him was wearing off, he was starting to feel the injuries. He didn't like to admit it, even to himself, but he knew they were right. He stood up, reached behind him and drew his own holly and phoenix feather wand. His face was tight and drawn. He growled, "Okay, so if I have to, I have to. Good idea, Ginny. Let's do it. But let's walk as far as we can first. I don't fancy running halfway across Hogwarts, thank you."

The others all drew their wands, and Hermione crossed the room, pulled the door ajar and peered round it. "Wait, where's Kreacher?" she asked.

"He was in and out, checking on Harry about every half hour last night," Ginny replied. "Perhaps he heard us talking and went to get Harry something."

"Kreacher will find me if he wants me," Harry said. "Let's get on with it."

Hermione was still peering round the door. "Right," she whispered. "There's no one about. Ron, you go first. If you see anyone, shout 'Come on,' start running, and yell at them to get out of the way. I'll follow, then Harry and Ginny." She pulled the door wide open and started down the stairs. The others followed, moving slowly to keep the noise down and to save their energy for later.

They made it down the stairs without encountering anybody and found the Gryffindor common room deserted, apart from Trevor, who had apparently eluded Neville again. Through the portrait hole, Harry sucked his breath in sharply, as he felt half-healed cuts pull open across his back as he ducked and twisted.

They got as far as the main staircase when Ron threw up his hand. "There's voices on the stairwell. Sorry, mate, but this is where we start running. Make lots of noise."

They all started a mad pell-mell scramble down the stairs and across the hall, shouting at everybody to stay back and keep out of the way and encouraging each other.

"Come on Harry."

"They're headed for the Hospital wing."

"Go left, go left."

Doors opened up and down the corridors and stairwell as people looked out to find out what the noise was about. But as Ginny had predicted, no one asked why they were rushing about.

Eventually, they passed through the people and ended up at the entrance to the hospital wing. They were all breathing hard and ruddy-cheeked, but Harry was on his knees, hugging his chest and coughing. A trickle of blood leaked out of the corner of his mouth, and fresh blood was showing on the remains of his tee shirt.

Ginny looked at him. "Hermione, can you go and get Madam Pomfrey? Ron, give me a hand with him." Between them, they helped Harry to his feet, and walked him gently through the hospital doors.

As they walked in, Madam Pomfrey appeared with Hermione. She looked at Harry and shook her head. She pointed at a bed and said, "Right over there with you. Sit on the bed. I'll be back in a moment."

She walked off, and appeared a minute later with a tray full of potion bottles. "Let's take a look at you. I expected to see you sooner. No doubt you've been doing something dangerous, other than defeating He Who Must Not Be Named, and got yourself in this mess. You others can leave while I check him over."

Ginny shook her head sharply. "I'm not leaving. I'm going to stay with him."

Madam Pomfrey drew in a breath to remonstrate with Ginny, but saw the look of deadly determination on her face. She slowly let out that breath and started examining Harry.

"Assorted bruises. Some nasty cuts, but none that won't respond readily to treatment, yes. I won't ask how you got those Fanged Tentacula spines in that deeply. They're going to be a nuisance. Broken nose. Three broken ribs. We'll have to deal with those soon, or the lung damage will get worse."

Her eyes widened suddenly as she said, "What's this?" She took her wand and used it to cut off the front of the shirt. She looked at what appeared to be a burn on Harry's chest, over the broken ribs. At the centre of the burn was a deep, lightning shaped cut.

"Is this…?"

Harry nodded.

"I will need to talk to you about this, but now isn't the time. Right. We will start with this." She handed Harry a small goblet of potion. "Blood replenishing. Then we will have this: Skele-Gro."

Harry looked at the goblet unhappily.

"Then we will let that settle and in thirty minutes, you will need Flesh Healing potion. I would use Essence of Dittany if the damage was all external. I am afraid that is not pumpkin juice either."

Harry looked even less pleased, but was too uncomfortable to complain.

Madam Pomfrey ran her wand across Harry's ribs and nose. "That will hold the breaks while the Skele-Gro works. Now we will need to extract every one of those spines. Fanged Tentacula spines have barbs that must first be retracted before the spines can be removed."

She went across the ward, and came back with a bowl of Murtlap essence. "We will need to dampen each spine with this to get the barbs retracted and then pull them out. This will take some time. As you all seem so keen to stay here, you can make yourselves useful. I'll show you how it's done, and then you can take over. It needs patience, not skill." She grinned slightly, intimating that no insult was intended.

Ginny took the bowl and sponge out of her hands and said aggressively, "I'll do it." Her tone brooked no argument.

Hermione looked at her, eyebrows raised, as though seeing something new. "Ron and I will go and see if we can get some breakfast," she said.

Ron looked at her as though seeing a vision. "Hermione, you're wonderful."

She blushed.

"That's the best idea of the day," he continued. He looked at Harry and Ginny. "We'll see you in the Great Hall when you're finished."

Madam Pomfrey sniffed. "Mr. Potter will be here for at least the rest of today."

She pointed at Ginny. "And you, Miss Weasley, will also be staying until I can take a look at that cut on your cheek and sort out that leg."

She looked at Ron and Hermione. "Right, off you go. The rest of us have work to do."

Madam Pomfrey showed Ginny how to dampen the spines and remove them with forceps. Harry flinched sharply as the first one was drawn out. She said, "I think we'll need an extract of willow bark salve to deal with the pain. These spines are very deep." She brought over the salve, and showed Ginny how to use it.

"Very well," she said, "now you know. Off you go. I will be in the room, dealing with other patients." She left, and in doing so pulled some screens into place to allow some privacy.

"Harry, it's going to be easier if you lie on the bed face down. Then I can see what I am doing," Ginny said. "Would that be okay?"

Harry nodded and, still moving carefully, lay down with his head on his forearms, his face turned away to keep the worst of the bruises on his face free. Ginny started work, very gently dabbing and wiping and easing out the spines.

After a few silent minutes, Ginny drew in a breath gently and asked, "There are no Tentacula plants at Hogwarts, except in the greenhouses. Do you think you can tell me how you got these?"

Silence

Ginny worked on and Harry suddenly said, "It's hard to talk about. I feel that… I don't know… well… I wish I had done better." She could see him swallowing hard, and he kept his face turned away. "I don't even know where to start," he added.

Ginny stopped wielding the forceps. "You sound as though you're ashamed. I don't understand."

"If I had got my head round the Horcruxes faster, I could have stopped so much death. I wasn't clever enough. It's hard to be alive when so many people didn't get the choice that I had. When I went into the forest, I was so afraid. It was terrible. I was walking, and I felt like my legs were someone else's—like I was numb, and they were taking me on, counting down my life." Harry stopped talking suddenly, and sniffed hard. Ginny started work again. She knew Harry well enough to know that he would say more when he was ready. She also knew that if she pushed, he would clam up.

Shortly, Harry said, "I can't tell it all at once."

"Just tell me the bits you can."

"It probably won't make any—Ow—sense."

"Sorry. Doesn't matter. I just want to understand." Ginny worked on. The silence grew.

Several uncomfortably silent minutes had passed. Ginny continued to work on the spines, removing them slowly, one after the other. Then Harry drew a series of short breaths. Ginny knew that if she stayed quiet just a little longer, Harry would speak.

Then, his voice barely above a whisper, he said, "I suppose the difficult bit started when we got to Hogwarts." He went on to describe the start of the battle, his discovery of the whereabouts of Rowena Ravenclaw's diadem and the fight in the Room of Requirement. Ginny held her peace about being turned out to allow the room to change, and Harry trying to stop her from fighting. That, she knew, they could come back to later. Harry went on to tell her about the first part of the battle, though he skipped over Fred's death, and then locating Snape in the Shrieking Shack during the cease-fire. He described Snape's death, and the memories that Snape left him. He described reading the memories in Dumbledore's Penseive and then stopped speaking. The memories and images were hitting him too fast for a moment.

"When I came out of the Penseive, I couldn't believe it. I thought that Dumbledore had used me, almost as though I had been set up for that moment for years. Everything I thought I had known, people I had trusted, it had all changed—like it was a different world. They knew I would go on though; they had almost planned my feelings. They knew I would have to do it. I was alone… empty… lost. Everything… everyone… it was all left behind, like I was outside myself. That's when I wrote that letter."

He stopped talking again, but this time the silence was easier. Ginny unhappily watched his back. Even looking at the back of his head, she could see him struggling to contain his emotions. Inside, she was crying for him, but dared not say anything, for fear of breaking the moment.

"I couldn't say much in the letter," he went on. "I couldn't get it down. I just hurt. I couldn't believe that I was going to have to just… _leave_… and every second I spent putting it off made it worse. So I went. Everything looked and felt different. I could feel everything… like my skin and heartbeat and eyes moving, but they didn't belong to me. When I got there, I just wanted it to be over." He gulped. "It was horrible."

Ginny kept working. After a few minutes she said, "It was cruel. To be put in that position is horrid. No one has any right just to put someone there—especially without explaining why. I don't think it was just Dumbledore, though. Voldemort really put you there, and neither of you knew." She moved slightly and could see Harry's face, wet with tears that he thought she couldn't see. Her heart lurched, but she said nothing. She knew he would be totally embarrassed if he thought she had seen.

Harry went on, "It got worse though." He explained his encounter with Dumbledore when he was hovering between life and death and Narcissa Malfoy's deception. Then he said, "That's when I got bashed. I had to play dead, or I really would have been dead. Voldemort hit me with the Cruciatus Curse and then tossed me up into the air several times. I came down through tree branches into the Fanged Tentacula every time. I think that's when I got all the cuts on my back. Then I got kicked a bit. Don't know who did it. It didn't hurt much at all at the time because having tried to sacrifice myself had sort of given me a protection—you know, like my mother's sacrifice gave me. Then they slapped my glasses on and made Hagrid carry me. Got bashed by a few branches coming through the forest. Don't think Hagrid could see much, he was crying so hard. You know the rest."

Harry stopped talking, and his back quivered as though he was sobbing. Ginny said nothing about it, but carried on working. She was seething internally at how people had hurt Harry, both in his body and in his mind, and wished he would let her help. All she could do was to keep on as she was going and wait for him to let her back into his life.

By now, Ginny had almost worked down to the base of Harry's back, but she could see the ends of several spines in the backs of Harry's legs as they stuck through his jeans. "Harry," she said, "you'll have to take your jeans off. I can't get at the spines lower down if you don't."

Harry turned and looked at her in astonishment and was clearly about to refuse.

"Harry, I've got six brothers. You can't show me anything I haven't seen before." Suddenly her face crumpled, and tears started in her eyes. "I can't believe I said that. Fred….." she started sobbing into her hands, back shaking.

Harry stretched up and put a hand on her shoulder. "You still do have six brothers. It's just that one is out of reach. Remember what I told you about when I met Dumbledore? He knew what had been going on, even though he wasn't here. Do you think that Fred can't see just as well as him? Of course you miss him, and of course it hurts. Fred isn't hurting now though. It's just us. The ones left behind. Dumbledore once told me never to pity the dead, just the living. I understand that better now. We, the ones left behind, have to grieve and admit that we hurt and understand that life will always be just that bit different from now. Not worse, just different. That takes a while to do though. But it's alright to grieve." Harry's voice was very soft, very gentle, almost a caress. He rubbed her back gently for a few moments, and then dropped his hand uncertainly. He just looked at her, sharing her pain and loss, but uncertain what to say or do.

After a few minutes, Ginny composed herself a little. "Thank you, Harry. Of course, you've been there. I forgot. But still, I really wish… there are so many things I could have said… so much… do you think he sort of knows?"

Harry nodded slowly. "I do. I think he knows. It'll catch you often, unexpectedly, but eventually Fred will be a special place in your heart that doesn't hurt, but just holds good memories. It took me a long time, but I found that over Sirius."

Ginny smiled uncertainly. It was a wobbly smile, but still a smile. "Right," she said. "Let's get your jeans off—and no, don't argue."

"Okay, but just go outside the curtain while I do this." Ginny went, gave him almost a minute, and then went back in to find him again face down on the bed, with his face glowing like the sun. She resisted the urge to laugh or tease, but returned to her dabbing, wiping and forcep wielding.

Half an hour later, they were still there. Neither had said another word, but subconsciously, each was glad of the presence of the other.

"I think that's the lot. I'll get Madam Pomfrey. She still has to give you that other potion and she ought to check what I've done. Now she can deal with all these cuts." She went out through the screens.

Five minutes later, she returned with the nurse, who was holding another goblet. She looked at Harry. "Very well, Mr. Potter, drink this down. All of it. Don't look at it like that. It won't kill you."

She looked carefully over Harry's back and legs. "Well done, Miss Weasley. Excellent work. I don't believe you missed one. Mr. Potter should be grateful to you for such good work. Now I can get on with healing these cuts." She ran her wand over Harry's back and down to his legs, muttering under her breath. When she was finished, she said to him, "There, that will do. Now, Miss Weasley, that cut – and the one on your leg… thank you. Now I am going to cover them in these bandages to protect the new skin for a couple of days. The same for you, Mr. Potter. The bandages will also support your ribs as they heal. After that, you will both be as good as new. I can do nothing for the burn and the cut on your chest though. I am right, am I not, that you were struck by a curse? _Avada Kedavra_, I think."

Harry nodded.

"And you survived again. Can you explain why?"

"I can, but not now. It's still a difficult subject. Can I explain later? It's very deep magic."

"Very well. I understand why this would be difficult. I would appreciate it if we could discuss it at a later date, then?"

Harry nodded again. She got up and left.

Ginny was looking at him, horrified. She knew from what he had said that Voldemort had almost killed Harry. He had not spoken of the curse though. He had only spoken of a sacrifice. Now she understood a little better how close to death Harry had been, and why he had said so little. "You _were_ dead, weren't you?"

Harry nodded again, and looked at his feet. "I suppose I nearly was. As nearly as makes no difference. Dumbledore said I wasn't though. He said I could go on, or back. He said I had a choice. I had to come back though. There was too much to finish."

Harry never got a chance to add more. Madam Pomfrey came back in through the screens carrying two goblets. "One for each of you, drink them down," she ordered. "You will then both go to bed and rest. Neither of you look well. You will take the next bed, Miss Weasley. I will set up screens for you. Neither of you will leave until I am satisfied you are adequately recovered. I will allow you both visitors at lunchtime. There are a number of people wishing to see you."


	3. Chapter 3 Never Forget

Never Forget

Harry looked around the ward. Ginny was sleeping. A little while ago, Madam Pomfrey had moved the screens around his bed so that he could see out. Ginny's screens were still round her bed, but he had used a _Locomotor_ charm to edge one back, so that he could see her face and watch her as she slept. There were only a few people in the ward now. Two had been moved to St. Mungo's that morning. He hoped the others would soon be fit enough to be moved as well. He had not been able to sleep, as he kept getting stabbing pains from his ribs and nose as they were healing. He hated Skele-Gro. It always had that effect on him. His chest was still sore too. The burn was beginning to heal, but still wasn't good. He hoped that he and Ginny would be allowed out soon. He wanted to talk with her. No, he _needed_ to talk with her. Time passed slowly.

Harry had just heard the clock on the front tower chime twelve. Merlin alone knew why it still worked, given the damage to the tower. Ginny opened her eyes and looked across her bed straight into Harry's eyes. They both smiled.

"Afternoon, sleepyhead," said Harry. "Feeling better?"

She grinned. "Lots. I had a brilliant sleep. I don't know what that potion was, but it worked." She stretched gracefully, almost cat-like.

"So, you are awake." Madam Pomfrey was peering round Ginny's screens. "Well, in that case, I think I had better let a few of your visitors see you. Professor McGonagall will be first; she has a few things to discuss. Then your family, Miss Weasley."

Harry looked down the ward as Professor McGonagall came through the door. It swung back behind her, opened a little and then swung shut. She came over and sat down between Harry and Ginny.

"I am pleased to see you are recovered, Mr. Potter. I am very proud of what you have achieved. You are a credit to your school, and your house. I would like to offer my thanks. You have saved us all from a great evil. You have shown tremendous courage this last year." She looked at Harry over her glasses, and smiled slightly.

Harry blushed slightly. "I did what I had to do. Anyone would have. I am just so sorry so many people had to suffer though."

"I am sure others would have, if they could. You, however, were placed under a burden many could not have borne. I am sorry that you also have suffered," she continued. "I am afraid that the burden was not of our making. I feel that many of the teachers would have wished to help you more, if we had known."

"Just don't let anyone make me out as some sort of hero," Harry said. "I hate it. I hate people looking at me like I'm different or special. I just want to be me."

Professor McGonagall nodded. "Perhaps now that this is over, you will have that chance."

The screen next to Ginny's bed moved slightly. Harry suddenly leaned forward, grabbed a wand off his side table and wordlessly fired off five stunning spells in an arc. The first two struck the wall on the opposite side of the ward, and the last broke a window. The third and fourth produced no reaction except that something hit the floor heavily. A wand appeared and bounced across the tiles.

"Professor, can you lift the Disillusionment charm on whoever that is?" Harry asked. He put down the wand again.

McGonagall was already on her feet, absolutely astonished, and wide-eyed with surprise. The first of Harry's spells had missed her by scant inches. Nonetheless, she reached out with her wand and tapped something close to the floor. A man appeared, tall and spare, with straggly long blond hair. He wore a travelling cloak and mask.

"Good grief, a Death Eater," she exclaimed. She leant down and pulled off the mask. "Well, well... Ivan Barakov. He is a cousin of Dolohov. I wondered where he went. I saw him stunned during the battle, but he was not among those captured later. How did you know he was there?"

"I saw the door open after you came in," Harry explained. "I also saw a bedcover move down the ward. Then Ginny's screen twitched. I knew it wasn't anyone we knew, as I have my Invisibility Cloak here. He was after Ginny."

"Nonsense," Ginny exclaimed. "Why would anyone go after me?"

"He passed my bed to get to where I stunned him. If he was after me, he could have hit me with any spell he wanted from halfway down the ward. I think the idea was to make me suffer by hurting you, or perhaps…" Harry got out of bed and reached down. "Yes, look under the cloak. I think that's a Portkey." He pointed to a small metal jug, carefully avoiding touching it. "I think I still have the touch of death. You would have been taken." He shook his head. "I'll have to get help to protect you until the last Death Eaters are rounded up."

Professor McGonagall had her sternest look on. "I have summoned an Auror. Barakov will be taken for questioning. And I think that the sooner we get this castle repaired, and all the protective enchantments back in place the better. In the meantime…" She flicked her wand, and ropes sprang from it and bound the Death Eater. Another flick of her wand and a muttered charm disabled the Portkey.

"Now, assuming we will not be interrupted for a few minutes, I will explain why I am here," she said, sitting down again.

"As you know, there were many casualties in the battle. There will be a general memorial service here at Hogwarts tomorrow, and then the families will take their own to be buried near their homes. It is going to be a very difficult time for all of us. Now I must come to the most delicate point. I must ask you if you will undertake a painful task."

She paused and looked at him, and then continued, "Almost every family has asked if you would attend the funerals of their loved ones, Mr. Potter. Again this means a heavy burden for you, should you accept, as you will be expected to speak at each one. I would not blame you if you wished to be… ah… selective about those you felt able to attend. The families have asked if you would be there for them, but I have made each family aware of the number of requests that have been made. I think they would understand if there were some you could not attend."

"How many?" asked Harry jerkily, his face tight and emotionless.

"There are fifty three in total. A number of these are from the same areas, and the families are talking of joint funerals," McGonagall replied calmly. Her face gave away the emotion she was clearly feeling as she continued, "It would mean almost two weeks of funerals, with scarcely any break."

Harry looked out across the ward, seeing nothing but the images of the dead that he knew of. He spoke, and his voice was distant, as though he was speaking to himself, "I'll go… to all of them… I owe it to them, and their memories. They've given up far more than I have. So have their families. I'll be there for them. They'll need everybody to share their burden."

Ginny was watching him and interrupted sharply, "You'll be there for them… so who's going to be there for you, and share _your_ burden? You can't do this on your own."

Professor McGonagall looked at her and said, "I agree with you. Harry will not be alone. I will accompany him myself. If there are any others who wish, they may also accompany him."

"Right… then I'm going wherever Harry goes. I want to. No one's going to stop me." Ginny was again being very assertive in her manner, and as McGonagall looked at her, she knew this was no idle request.

"Very well, Miss Weasley. If your parents give permission, you may accompany us," she replied.

Ginny looked down at the bed sheets, and muttered something inaudible.

Professor McGonagall stood up, ignoring the stunned Death Eater at her feet. "I will leave you to think this over. I also know that there are other people wishing to see you, and I have taken up a great deal of time. I will return when the Aurors arrive. Again, I must thank you for what you have done for the wizarding world."

She walked away down the ward, and as she did so, a large group of people passed her. It looked to Harry as though the entire Weasley clan, as well as Hermione, had come, with Molly Weasley to the fore.

"Harry, dear, we were so worried when we couldn't find you this morning. Bill came and said your bed was empty. There was blood on your sheets, and Ron, Hermione and Ginny were missing. Then Ron and Hermione came and found us at breakfast and told us that you were here." Molly Weasley was in full motherly mode, and Harry grinned inwardly. At least some things hadn't changed, "What on earth happened to you?" she asked.

"Well, I got a bit injured the night before I got Voldemort," he answered evasively. He didn't want to go over the story again. "Madam Pomfrey and Ginny put me right. I'm nearly better now."

"Ginny?"

"Yes, she helped Madam Pomfrey," he explained.

Mrs. Weasley looked at him carefully. She could tell from the bald statements Harry had made that he was keeping a lot back, but decided that he would tell her in time. "Well, one thing is quite clear. None of the three of you have been eating properly for far too long. You look quite thin, all of you. We must get you back to the Burrow and feed you up."

"I won't be able to come back for a while, Mrs Weasley. I have a lot of funerals to go to. I seem to have been invited to go to every single one." He grimaced slightly. "I think I should go, too. I owe so many people so much."

Arthur Weasley interjected, "No more than they—and all of us—owe you. We all owe you a debt that we can never repay. You saved the whole wizarding world from a long period of darkness. That is a great boon."

Harry shook his head. "No, I couldn't have done it without a lot of help. From all of you, from Ron and Hermione, from Ginny, keeping the fight going here." He stopped speaking for a moment, and then went on, speaking very quietly and not looking at them. "I haven't had a chance to tell you yet, but I am so sorry about Fred. I was there with him, and couldn't help. I wish it hadn't happened, and I would have done anything for it not to have been him. He didn't deserve it. In a way, I feel it's my fault for leading people in that direction. If we hadn't been just there… I'm so sorry." He looked away, ashamed of the tears forming in his eyes, and feeling a tight knot in the pit of his stomach.

Bill came forward, and put a hard hand on Harry's shoulder. He squeezed hard and said, "You don't have to blame yourself. We don't. You didn't kill Fred. The only person to blame is… er… Voldemort." He winced slightly as he said the name. "It was just bad luck. Yes, we're all really sad about it, gutted in fact, but Fred knew what he was doing. He knew the risks, but he thought it was worth it. Sometimes you have to fight, and in fights like that people get hurt. He wouldn't have backed down any more than you would."

Harry looked up, his eyes glistening, "Thanks, Bill. Thank you all. If there is anything at all I can do… well, you know." He gulped. "I'm still sorry. I'm going to miss him a lot."

Ron looked at him. Like all the Weasleys, talking about Fred brought tears to his eyes. "We all will, mate. It's going to take a lot to get used to it. But we all have each other. We can pull through as a family. We owe Fred that too."

Molly Weasley sat down on the chair beside Harry's bed. "Now, what's all this about funerals? I know we all want you to be there when…when we… for Fred. I know you will want to go to some others, but you said everyone's. You can't possibly do that."

Harry looked down again. "Yes, I can. They all deserve that. They asked me, and it's the least I can do. I can't make up for all their losses, but I can help share it with them. It's the only thing I _can_ do. So I'm going. Professor McGonagall's going too."

"And me," interjected Ginny. "I'll be with him as well."

"What? Who said…" Mrs Weasley asked. "I don't think you should be doing this at all. Besides, I am certainly going to need you to be at home for some time, preparing for… Fred."

"I'm going," Ginny said stubbornly. "Harry is going to have to carry all that pain. He shouldn't have to carry it by himself. It's not fair. Someone needs to be there for him, and it's going to be me. I'm going." Ginny's face was at its most mulish. Everyone could see that she was spoiling for a fight about this.

Arthur Weasley spoke up, "I think we need to take a little time to talk about this calmly. I understand why you feel like this, Ginny, but your family needs you too. I think we will need to work out a compromise. Let's not decide anything until we have all given it a little thought."

Ginny looked at her father. She knew that when he spoke like that, he would put a stop to any further dissent quite sharply, so she didn't press the issue.

"All right, Dad, but I want to help Harry as much as I can."

Percy suddenly tripped slightly as he stepped forward. "Hey, who's this? What's he doing here?"

"Death Eater," Harry said. "The Aurors should be here to pick him up shortly. I stunned him. I think he was trying to get Ginny…or me… He was Disillusioned"

Percy looked shocked, as did they all. "So we owe you more thanks. Father, is it quite safe to leave Ginny here?"

"She can probably leave soon," Harry put in. "Madam Pomfrey was talking of her leaving at lunchtime."

"I'll ask if she can leave when we do," Mrs Weasley said.

"What if I want to stay with Harry? He doesn't have to be here on his own."

"Ginny, it's all right. I'm sure I won't be here much longer myself," Harry said. "I can find you later."

Just then, Madam Pomfrey came over, "Miss Weasley, I heard what your mother said, and yes, I think it will be all right for you to leave. You are to leave the bandages on until tomorrow, and then you will be fine."

"Mr Potter, there are two Aurors here to see you," she sniffed. "Battles right here in the hospital wing – I don't know…"

"We had better leave then," Arthur Weasley said. "Come along, everyone. Harry will need to talk to the Aurors, and he can do that better without an audience. Ginny, you can change in the end cubicle. We'll wait for you outside."

Harry looked across at Ginny. "Later…" he mouthed.

She smiled slightly, gave him a little wave, and moved off.

Two men were coming down the ward with Professor McGonagall. One Harry didn't know. The other was Kingsley Shacklebolt.

"Minister, what are you doing here?" asked Harry, "By the way, congratulations on being made Minister for Magic."

"Temporary Minister, Harry, just temporary," Kingsley responded. "And thank you. For everything. You did astonishing work. As for why I am here, I am still an Auror, even if I am acting Minister. Quite frankly, the ranks of the Aurors have been severely reduced during the last year. We suffered many casualties, so I have to fit in two duties."

He looked down at the stunned Death Eater and went on, his rich voice suddenly hard. "This one I was looking for. You seem to have stunned him very effectively. He'll be out for hours yet unless we R_ennervate_ him, so I think we will just take him as he is. I think we will get a lot of useful information if we introduce him to Veritaserum."

He grinned suddenly. "I think if you keep on taking out Death Eaters like this, I could find a job for you. I understand you spotted him even though he was Disillusioned. Most impressive. We could use help like this in the Magical Law Enforcement office. Bear it in mind, won't you?"

"Yes, Minister," Harry replied, "I had thought about being an Auror. I missed out on my NEWTs year though."

Shacklebolt nodded, "I think that your level of practical experience would more than make up for examinations. If you were to find yourself behind in any subject during training, there are always additional courses available. We can discuss this further, but if you do decide to pursue this as a career, the next training course starts on the first of October. You can talk to me at any time."

The other Auror interjected, "Minister, we do need to get this fellow off to Azkaban. There are two further captures to take care of in London."

"Very well, Horkan," Shacklebolt replied. "I have one more thing to say to Mr. Potter." He looked back at Harry, "I should have added that I have agreed with Professor McGonagall that I am going to leave two Aurors permanently stationed here at Hogwarts in case there are further attempts at reprisals on you or anyone else. They will stay until all of Hogwarts' defences are back in place. Professor McGonagall has started making arrangements for that already. A goblin workforce is being assembled, and should be starting work in a couple of weeks."

"Goblins?" asked Harry.

"Yes. You may not be aware of this, but they still retain the special skills needed in magical masonry that no others have. It was goblins who helped build the school when it was first founded, and a lot of the protections that the school had were first invented by them for the school. There are not many even among goblins that have the skill, but they are being gathered together from around the world." He shook his head. "Their prices will be astronomical, but it must be done."

Shacklebolt stood up. "Right, Horkan, you can levitate him. Goodbye, Harry. I will see you again at the service tomorrow." He shook hands with Harry and led Horkan and the stunned Death Eater out of the room.

Professor McGonagall looked at Harry. "I think that also takes care of the promise I made you in your fifth year, to help you become an Auror if you so wished. You seem to have made a good impression on Kingsley Shacklebolt, and I can think of no better supporter for you in that endeavour. Congratulations. Now, I must carry on. I have many families still to see." Her lips tightened. "A sad duty, but one I must fulfil. I will see you later, Mr. Potter." She walked out.

Harry sat back in his bed. He knew the next few hours were going to be _very_ boring. Madam Pomfrey would keep him there for ages yet.

At four o'clock, Madam Pomfrey came over to him, and looked him over. "I think that you have healed quite well, Mr. Potter. I had thought you might need to be here overnight, but your ribs and nose have healed better than I expected. You may leave. Your friends have left you a clean change of clothes. Those you came in with are fit for nothing."

Harry got up, and changed behind his screens. He then went over to Madam Pomfrey and said, "Thank you for putting me right."

She looked at him. "I think that it is I that should thank you. You did well. Now get along. I don't want to see you in this wing again, except as a visitor. You have kept me quite busy over the years—more than almost any other student. I wish you well." She looked back down at the parchment she was reading, and Harry knew himself to be dismissed. He grinned slightly. Madam Pomfrey always sounded sharp, but he knew how much she cared for the students. He walked out of the ward, throwing the invisibility cloak around himself.

Getting down into the main entrance hall, Harry wondered what he was going to do. He walked out into the grounds. The school was quiet, but as it was near tea time, he knew most people would be in the Great Hall. Just now, he needed space and time to think. He walked down to the lake and sat down by the very bush he had sat by after he had found out about the prophecy. He still felt separate from everybody. He was still a marked man. Death Eaters were still going to try to get at him, or try to prove that he was only human. Anybody near him was still at risk. This morning had proved that. He hated the thought of the newspaper articles that would be written. Once again, he was going to have to go through the staring and pointing routine that had started in his first year and never really gone away. He wondered what it would be like to be ordinary. He had no recollection of any time since he found out that he was a wizard that he had only had lessons or homework to worry about. He sat down. Again, he found himself seeing all those people who had died and thinking of all the things that had happened over the last week. The pain of it was overwhelming, and he could feel the tears run down his face. At least there was no one to see, and he let them flow, wracked with sorrow and guilt. Why should others be dead when he had survived? Why couldn't people stop congratulating him, when all he had done was try to disarm Voldemort? Tom had killed himself. He had done nothing.

Back in the Great Hall, supper was in progress. It was quiet, even though there were so many people there. Students, parents, and people from Hogsmeade were all there. Most people were silent as they ate. Many looked forlorn and grieving, or just looked emptily at their plates. Conversation was in low tones, where it went on at all.

Ginny came over and sat down next to Hermione. "Where's Harry?" she asked. "He left the hospital wing a couple of hours ago, and he's not anywhere I can think of."

"I think he will probably have gone off by himself," Hermione answered. "Goodness knows he can do with a break. He ought to eat though. Did you check the grounds?"

"I've been looking all over the place. He's just vanished."

Ron looked up from the other side of Hermione. "He did have his cloak with him. Don't let everyone know you're looking for him, though. Mum will go spare, thinking he's been killed or something. Under that cloak he's quite safe."

Hermione looked at Ginny and said in a voice barely above a whisper, "You're worried, aren't you? I know how much you… worry. You care about him still, don't you?"

Ginny blushed slightly and nodded, "I don't know whether I want to hex him or hug him. Why's he doing this? He can be such a stupid git sometimes."

"Well, he's feeling guilty about everybody dying. He's probably ashamed, even though he has no reason to be. He still thinks he ought to be some sort of outcast, especially after that Death Eater came after him this morning. He's grieving for all the friends he's lost." Hermione looked up, and continued, "He needs someone to help him through this. He never has got used to the idea that other people care about him."

Ginny stood up again. "I think there's one place still to check. Down by the lake."

Ron stood up as well. "We'll come with you. Just let me grab a piece of that pie."

"No way. I'm going on my own. I'll be okay. There are still several people out in the grounds, and it'll be light for another hour. If I can't find him in half an hour, I'll come back, and then we'll search together, but I want to do this myself."

"What if Mum wants to know where you are?" Ron asked. "What are we to tell her?"

Ginny looked at him exasperatedly, "Tell her whatever you like, I'm going—now." She walked out, careful to stay out of her parents' line of sight.

Ginny went out of the hall and into the grounds. She suddenly knew where Harry was. He'd pointed out the spot to her last year. His quiet spot.

She walked down there, and looked through the bushes to the lake. He was there, exactly where she had expected. It was clear he was unaware of her presence though. Tears were running freely down his face, and he was just looking out over the water. Ginny waited for a few minutes, until she saw him rub his hands over his face and then called out quietly, "Harry?"

He spun round, wand rising and saw her. He turned away again. "Hi, Ginny. I suppose I am wanted for something in the castle?"

"No, you idiot. I wanted to see you. I was worried when you didn't come and see me when you got out of hospital… No, not worried—worried AND furious. You're ignoring me, just like you're ignoring everyone. Don't push everyone away. Especially, don't push ME away, unless you like bats. Now what's up? You have to tell me."

"Lots to think about," he said. He picked up a stone and threw it viciously out over the lake. "I hate being dangerous to know. I hate being the object of attention. I hate being pointed out all the time. Even with Voldemort gone, it hasn't got any better. This morning proved that."

He sat down, looking at the lake again. Ginny quietly sat down beside him, not looking at him, and waited for him to continue.

"Everybody seems to want me to be the strong silent super-warrior, accepting the applause like a gladiator. I can't DO that. It's not me. I'm only me, not some invincible hero. Nobody sees that."

"Some of us do," Ginny interrupted. "I do. I've seen how much all this hurts you. I've seen you bleeding over me. I've seen you with cuts, bruises and thorns all over you, and I'll never forget it."

She turned, and looked directly at him, "I've also seen you flying; I've seen you laugh; I've seen you struggling to keep up with Ron at chess and laughing about it. I've seen you running your hands through your hair when you're thinking. I know there's more to you than most people will ever know about. So do others—even Ron, who understands emotions about as well as he does advanced Transfiguration." She reached out and took his hands. "You just have to let us share. Let _me_ share… please."

Harry looked down at their joined hands, astonished at a sight he thought he would never see again, "Er… yes, well… I'm sorry. It's sort of hard to share. Not used to it. I know I can talk to Ron and Hermione about some stuff. Like what we did since last summer. I haven't talked to them even about… stuff… feelings… you know."

Ginny squeezed his hands gently. "We used to talk a bit, didn't we?"

"Yeah, we did. I thought you wouldn't want to know me much because of Dumbledore's funeral, and what I said then. And even though you gave me a birthday kiss last year, I sort of thought that was thank you and goodbye."

"Not exactly. Yes, in a way it was goodbye, because I was afraid I'd never see you again. It was also please come back. At the time, I knew you were being a stupid noble prat, but with Hermione Obliviating her parents, and Ron disguising the ghoul, I knew you were afraid for me… for all of us. I was really angry at first, because I hate being the little girl that has to be protected. The whole family does that still, and it drives me mad. Eventually, though, when I saw what the Ministry was doing, and that they had no clue about what was going on, I sort of understood. I still didn't like it."

Harry kept on looking at Ginny's hands. The monster in his chest sniffed the air, and a knot built up in is stomach. "We could never have taken you with us. I don't think any of us would have ever been able to leave without that panic at the end of Bill's wedding. If I had even suggested you coming, your Mum would have gone berserk. Besides, I was afraid I would get you hurt. I still am, after this morning. I was afraid I'd get Ron or Hermione hurt too. I wasn't even sure we would all live through it. But I couldn't stop them from coming; they knew the risks. You would have too, but I couldn't risk you."

"Couldn't risk me? And if I would have taken the risk?" Ginny's face was reddening. Her temper, always close to the surface, was showing.

"Too precious," was all Harry said. He still hadn't looked at her. He just shook his head, lifted his hands from hers, and put his face in them, elbows on his knees. "I always knew I'd lose you. If I took you with us, you could have been killed. It's a miracle the three of us survived at all. But if I didn't bring you, you'd hate me."

Suddenly Ginny understood why Harry was holding back. He was afraid of what she would say. He thought she was going to say she never wanted to see him again. She remembered what Hermione had said after reading his letter. She pulled her knees up against her chest and looked out over the water. Harry was still holding his head in his hands.

"I don't hate you, Harry. I could never hate you. Yes, I've been angry with you, but I came to understand why you did what you did. I looked at it from your point of view, and I understood. I cried a lot after the wedding. I thought I would never see you again. I was terribly afraid you'd be killed. I thought you _were_ dead when Hagrid carried you in. I thought I wanted to die too, but I had to fight on to avenge you. I couldn't believe it when you appeared in the Great Hall, and faced down Voldemort. I spent the whole year afraid that moment would come. I still feel about you as I did before. I've always wanted to be with you."

Harry looked up, hope suddenly dawning, and fear with it. "Even after I dumped you at the funeral? That was cruel of me—I know it was—and I'm really sorry. I knew it then, but all I wanted was for you to be safe. So few people I know have stayed safe. You're not safe still. Look at what happened this morning."

"Even after… unless you met some Veela while you were gone?"

"No Veela. Not even any sort of female, unless you count Bathilda Bagshot, and she turned out to be a snake. No female Death Eaters either. At least, none that wanted to go out with me."

Ginny listened and hunched her shoulders slightly. She knew something else was coming. Harry's voice was turning harder. "_Don't let him turn me down, don't…_" she thought. She knew he was trying to say something hard.

"So…er… do you think… would you… can we still see each other?"

"What are you asking, Harry?"

"Can we… you know… go out again?"

Ginny flung herself at Harry, knocking him back into the grass, and buried her face in his neck. "Yes… oh, yes… please." She kissed him hard, and he responded, wrapping his arms around her neck and back, pulling her closer. Eventually, they broke apart, panting at the release of emotion, and sat looking at each other, holding hands.

Ginny grinned suddenly, "So if I'm still not safe, why let me in now?"

Harry grimaced. "If I hadn't been there this morning, I couldn't have stopped that Death Eater. It seemed to me that if I could keep near you, maybe I could keep you safer. It doesn't seem to matter that we broke up. People are still going after you. They were doing so even last year, from what Neville said. It was one of the things I was thinking about. I was terrified you wouldn't want me."

"It's always been you," Ginny whispered, "Even when you left, I never really gave up hoping."

She stood up, and held out her hand. "We'd better get up to the school. Ron will be sending out search parties. He wanted to earlier when you didn't turn up after tea. I eventually guessed where to find you though."

Harry took her hand, and she pulled him to his feet. "Didn't you guess what I was trying to tell you all day?"

Harry shook is head. "No, I didn't guess. I saw the signals, but I was afraid I was reading you wrong. I didn't dare hope. I thought maybe this was just because we were… well, I don't know… I was grateful though. It was good to feel that someone at least cared a bit."

They started walking. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "What are we going to say to everyone? They all still think we broke up."

"We're going to say nothing. People can think what they like, and I don't care," Her arm matched his and snaked around his waist. They walked on. "They can work it out for themselves. If they don't like it, that's their problem, not ours."

She leaned her head against Harry's shoulder. They walked slowly back up to the entrance hall, and inside. "I still feel guilty in a way, though. Part of me feels I shouldn't be happy. Especially with Fred…"

"I know," Harry interrupted. "I feel like that too. I'm not going to change how I feel, though. I can't help it. I do sort of feel that this could all disappear just as fast as it came. It's a bit scary, really."

"Have you ever had a chance to feel happy and in charge?" Ginny asked. "I get the feeling you don't know how that feeling goes. You'll have to learn how to feel happy… Can I help?"

She grinned, mischievously.


End file.
